Day 20: Time out!

I made it 19-1/2 days. I couldn't do any more. Each meal was like running a marathon, I was so disgusted. It seems counter-intuitive that what is good for me in the long run should be an ongoing horrific experience that makes me want to vomit. I love food. I hate hating to eat. It really shouldn't be a torture session every time I have a meal.

I haven't given up, but I do feel I need to regroup and figure out a new strategy. I'll check back with you once I figure out what that strategy will be.

Day 18: Don't make me eat that again!

Uh oh, I'm on a dangerous slope ... I can't stand my food! It's completely revolting. What to do, what to do?

I thought of a few options:

1. Throw in the towel completely.
2. Go out for an expensive gourmet raw meal, thereby breaking the bank and whatever semblance I have left of the 80/10/10 ratio.
3. Suffer through the agony and hope it miraculously goes away.
   
4. Fast.

I may opt for number 4. I'll keep you posted.

Done with today in any case. Couldn't help but eat some nuts and avocado today, as bananas have a high upchuck factor and I have lots of those that need eating (managed a few).

This is probably the most difficult stage I've been through with this diet, which is a bit odd seeing as I'm almost three weeks into it. As difficult and just plain awful as it is right now, I'm actually curious to see if I can work through it, or if it just remains horrendous from here on out. However, I've made it to 21 days before, and I remember the same feeling when I finally gave up last time, a feeling that I just literally cannot eat the food without getting sick.

That's why I'm thinking maybe it's my body telling me to fast? That could just be a bunch of crazy raw food hoo-ha propaganda. It could be that the food actually is crap.

Food:
4 cups grapefruit juice (8 grapefruits)
Smoothie: 3 bananas, 1/2 bunch of spinach, 3 d'anjou pears
1.5 oz. brazil nuts, 1/2 avocado
1/2 cup snap peas, 1/2 red bell pepper

Calories: 1463
Carbohydrates: 70%
Protein: 6%

Fat: 24%

Exercise:

Nada. Kids at home with me all day. Raining and sleeting outside.

Day 17: Another day down, that's about all I can say

Tonight I made a salad that doesn't qualify for the Super-Dooper-Perfect-Natural-Hygeinist-Seal-of-Approval ("thou shalt not add any seasonings or enjoy anything too much!") but it still tasted blander than boiled sand, so I can at least claim a penitence award.

Food:
4 cups grapefruit juice (8 grapefruits)
Smoothie: 1 papaya, 3 mangoes, 6 oz. blueberries, head of romaine
1 oz. brazil nuts
Salad: 4 leaves romaine, handful of cherry tomatoes, 1 tbsp. minced onion, 1 tbsp. fresh dill, 1/2 apple, 1 tbsp. lemon juice

Calories: 1352
Carbohydrates: 79%
Protein: 6%
Fat: 15%

Exercise:
20 minutes Stair Master
20 minutes walking on treadmill, 3.7 mph
Ho-hum!

Day 15 & 16: I hate fruit right about now!

I have been very despondent this afternoon, feeling dejected about this whole diet. This may sound crazy, but sometimes I feel like it's hardly worth getting out of bed if you can never eat anything super-yummy ever.

I recently got a copy of Doug Graham's The New High Energy Diet Recipe Guide and throughout the book he talks and talks and talks about how all these fruit dishes are absolutely delicious. What a joke! I think he's from another planet than me. Maybe if you're a natural fruit lover (I have friends that are), but that ain't me. Under normal circumstances I eat fruit sporadically, the occasional smoothie, that kind of thing. Oh, and cherry season. I do love cherry season.

Guess what? Now I still don't really like fruit. Surprise surprise! It's too sweet. But for now it's sustaining me. I definitely have no interest in cake or ice cream or anything like that. Sugar cravings are nill. Still not happy though. Not satisfied. Want to punch a freakin' wall!



But I knew I wouldn't be satisfied, I knew it would be absolute hell for some time since I've been this far down this road before. Does it ever get any better? Any easier? Part of wanting to do this was to do the crazy experiment of taking someone who doesn't really like fruit and see what happens if you eat ponderous amounts of it for three months. Would it get any more palatable? Would my health improve? Could I actually do something so difficult? The answer is -- I have to tell myself -- an unresounding yes, but right now it's a bit like listening to a broken record of nails on a chalkboard for weeks on end.

Don't get me wrong: I feel absolutely 100% nourished and am getting more and more energetic -- I think -- every day. (I did everything in my yoga class today, whereas before I'd have to sit out of a bunch of it). It's just that the nourishment drives me up the wall.

The way I feel now there's no way I'm sticking to this forever. But that's just what I'm saying right now. Stay tuned.

Day 15 Food:
Some kind of herbal tea with 1 tsp honey (crucify me)
4 c. grapefruit juice
Brazil nuts (46 g/1.5 oz.)
1/2 medium watermelon (~1795 g.)
Giant smoothie: pear (6-1/8 oz./174 g.), 3 bananas (10-1/2 oz./300 g.), blueberries (4-5/8 oz./134 g.), 1 lb. 1/2 oz. grapes, head of romaine (say 300 g.)

Calories: 2066
Carbohydrates: 79%
Protein: 6%
Fat: 15%

Exercise:
15 minutes total body workout bike thingy (I have to see what it's called)
30 minutes True Strider
20 minutes treadmill, 3.5 mph
40 minutes weight training

Day 16 Food:
Herbal tea with honey again (maybe I'll stop soon, but I'm cooooold, so no promises)
4.25 c. grapefruit juice (8 grapefruits)
Smoothie: 3 mangoes, piece of jackfruit (1.5 cups), 1 pear, 1 apple
More of previous smoothie but added 2 bananas and a head of romaine
1 small avocado

Calories: 1710
Carbohydrates: 82%
Protein: 5%
Fat: 13%

Exercise:
Bikram yoga class

Day 14: When will my skin get better?

My skin is rough all over my forehead. I'm still waiting to see the benefits in terms of skin improvement, but I'm pretty certain, from past experience, that they will come.

I wanted to exercise today. Took the kids to the gym even where they have childcare, but the childcare was all full (all those New Year's resolution crazies) so I came home instead.

I'm getting tired and cranky in the afternoons, which is always my hardest time, craving wise. Unfortunately, that's also the time that the kids come home -- unfortunately for them, that is, since I'm not exactly a barrel of monkeys in the afternoons. Thank heavens for PlayStation, that's all I can say. (Perfect mom? Not!)

I remember Sarah saying in her Going Bananas blog that you have to be patient with this lifestyle. And I am. But that doesn't make it fun or easy.

I am doing better on drinking tons of water, and it looks like my hydration level is starting to rise. I notice my lips are dry a lot like I'm dehydrated, even though I'm drinking liquids all day long. I guess it's just my body replenishing. Interesting.

Food:

• 4 cups grapefruit juice
• 2 bananas, 1 GIANT asian pear (about a pound)
• Smoothie (good!): 3 mangoes, 1 papaya, lettuce (308 g); 1 small avocado

Calories: 1630
Carbohydrates: 81%
Protein: 5%
Fat: 14%

Exercise:

• Ran up and down my stairs 20 times out of desperation.
• Home ab workout (I need to strengthen my abs big time to get over some of my injuries, but I actually hate doing ab work).

Pizza Encounters (get this!):

• Took my kids to the pizza place for a slice after the failed gym attempt because I was in too cranky a mood to want to deal with cooking when I got home. It smelled good and was annoying, of course, but I was already in a foul mood anyway, so it didn't really matter.

Day 13: Phlegm: The dumbest word in the English language

I mean really! It should be spelled "flem."

... You do know, of course that when you read a raw food blog you have to hear all the nitty gritty about not only what goes in, but what comes out:

Flem, and lots of it.

It seems like every day for some portion of the day I am spitting up all kinds of throat drainage. I know this is a good thing -- you know, better out than in. I'm sure I'm freaking out a lot of people who think I have swine flu, coughing all over town. ("Oh, sorry, it's just the mangoes!") Although the excretion of plegm does serve it's useful absolution, it does become tiresome, a bit like English spelling. (English place names are even worse: Leicester = les-ter, Worcester = wus-ter, but Cirencester = siren-ses-ter; go figure!)

One of the tricky things about this diet is not only the shopping, but trying to time the fruit spoilage to minimize/eliminate it. I regularly experience some wastage for a few reasons:

1. The fruit was bad when I bought it (sometimes I buy bargain produce -- the stuff that's about to go off) due to misjudgement.
2. I had to buy a big bag (i.e. bargain bananas) and couldn't get through all of it. I don't feel so bad about this because it's headed for the trash heap anyway.
3. I just don't eat it in time. This one makes me mad at myself.
4. It's hidden behind or under something and I don't notice it until after the fruitflies do.
5. I've never tried it before and it's actually really nasty. This happened to me with gooseberries recently, although new foods in my house are pretty few and far between.
   

In the last few days I've had to compost:

• 1 medium yellow watermelon due to reason number 1.
• 3 bananas due to reason number 2.
• 1 apple due to reason number 1.

Whatever the reason for the spoilage, it's something I want to improve.

Food:
.75 cups orange juice (DON'T try juicing navel oranges. It doesn't work!)
1.58 cups grapefruit juice
Half a medium watermelon (1795 g)
Smoothie: spinach (166 g), grapes (1 lb. 1/2 oz/472 g), 2.5 bananas (274 g)

Calories: 1382
Carbohydrates: 90%
Protein: 7%
Fat: 3%

Exercise:

• 20 minutes StepMill
• 20 minutes crazy bike thingy
• 20 minutes treadmill
• 45 minutes weight training

Exercise:

Day 12: Warning: Grapefruits can be harmful to your health

I'm developing an overuse injury from juicing grapefruits! My wrist is definitely a bit sore from pressing down on my manual citrus juicer. I'm going to have to be a wee bit more mindful of that going forward. I do have an old-style lever citrus juicer that I can use if need be, but I'm just going to try to modify for now and see if it helps.

My extra energy is definitely starting to take a new form now. I really, really, really want to exercise every day. Maybe this will become my next addiction! I was super bummed out because I forgot that I had to take my son to a speech therapy appointment in the morning, only remembering at the last minute. I had been planning to go to a Bikram yoga class. As it turned out I didn't get in any exercise all day.

I'm finding that the food is getting easier IF I'm at home with everything under my own control. Dinner is still, how shall I say? Not a challenge exactly because I'm not caving in, but bothersome? Watching everyone else eating other stuff that looks really yummy. I am making a point not to fix any of my old favorites for the present time, as I don't really want to torture myself. Basically, I'm getting to where the feeling is still there but it doesn't tug at me quite as much, just because I'm getting out of the habit of actually eating that other stuff. I'm finding I'm not consciously thinking about it as much -- at home anyway -- even if I have all kinds of indulgences in the back of my mind.

As for my calorie intake, I am aware that it's generally pretty low right now, especially if I eat not overt fats (nuts, avocado) that day. But I'm actually eating an amount that feels right to me for now (stuffing myself, actually). I'm also aware that I'll probably drop weight pretty fast at this rate. But I don't really care about that either, and not just for girlie vanity. I have read that toxins are stored in your adipose tissue, so the sooner it comes off, the better, goes my rationale. Maybe then I'll stop craving everything for good.

Food:
Sorry, I forgot to measure some stuff.

• 3 bananas
• 2 cups grapefruit juice
• 1 apple
• 1 banana
• Smoothie: Head of lettuce (308 g), 1 lb. 3/8 oz grapes (470 g), 6 oz blueberries

Calories: 1148
Carbohydrates: 92%
Protein: 5%
Fat: 3%

Exercise: None. Boo hoo!

Pizza encounters: None! (did I scare of Satan?)