Day 3: I almost passed out today ...

... when I opened the fridge and saw the smoked gouda in there calling my name. Ok, so I didn't really almost pass out, but I really did sense a powerful mental swoon. The scary thing is that I really think I'm going to complete 90 days this time, so that swooning feeling is one of, "Sorry babe, ya gotta suffer through this one."

Today was slightly easier as my headache is mostly gone. I did go to a Bikram Yoga class today and actually fell asleep in the class, which I thought was a knee-slapper actually. I guess I'm more wiped out than I feel.

I'm making a lot of smoothies, which may not be ideal, but it's the only way to down the calories I need at this point when all this food is not really appealing to me, and I'm still only barely getting enough. But I am getting enough. I don't feel hungry at all, generally (except just before I restocked the fruit coffers at the grocery store today -- see shopping in photo above).

It's just the cravings -- like B-movie zombies -- that never die, but I'm going to ride it out this time. A few weeks ago I was eating like this for just a few days and one day I was stricken by a really intense craving for mozzarella sticks, you know, the really unhealthy ones that are battered and fried? Even my husband said, "Maybe your body wants calcium?" I told him that's preposterous, that it was just my brain wanting mozzarella sticks. There's nothing at all healthy in those things, and that's what tells me it's some kind of addiction. I can't say to what exactly, but it's powerful.

I realized today that the only person's opinion that matters about whether I can do this this time is mine. And my drive to succeed at this, not because of the blah blah blah healthy diet, but just to do something huge that I set out to do, is massive ... unfortunately ... with all this cheese still sitting around.

Why the Pottenger's Cats experiment proved nothing to me
For the uninitiated amongst you, read up here about the Pottenger's Cats experiment, touted ad infinitum as solid proof that cooking food is bad, very bad. I mean, everybody in raw food circles talks about this experiment. Basically this guy raised several generations of cats half on raw meat and half on cooked scraps (???). By the 4th generation, the cooked scrap cats couldn't reproduce. Cooked food must be bad, very bad. You know what my HUGE problem with this conclusion is? Just about every cat I know is raised on a cooked food diet (what's all that cat food out there?). And just about every cat I know has absolutely no difficulty reproducing until their bits get cut out or off. I'm sure Pottenger proved something, but I'm not sure he proved that cooked food is an effective cat contraceptive. And I wouldn't trust it as a people contraceptive either.


Food today:
Breakfast: Smoothie of 2 mangos, 12 oz strawberry, 1 small apple
Lunch: 1 banana wrapped in lettuce leaf. I was trying to eat 4 of these and then gave up and threw it all in the blender, adding the rest of the head of lettuce. Bananas aren't my favorite food, so I still had to gag a bit eating it. It's just what I had on hand.
Dinner: Juice of 5 grapefruits, about 2 cups; 1 pound of red globe grapes.
Calories: 1288 (I'm trying to do better, honest!)
Carbohydrates: 91%
Protein: 5%
Fat: 4%

Just for the record, I wasn't going to do all this intense calculation, but people seem interested in the numbers, so I'll do it for now, while I can stand it. It is useful to me to make sure I'm getting 1200 calories minimum, anyway, although I really want to shoot for 1500.